


The Way We Fall Apart

by Janie94



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Cheating, Drama & Romance, M/M, Songfic, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Janie94
Summary: 'I love you, Marco' Robert thinks as the blond pushes him against the locker, his tongue invading Robert's mouth.“I want you, Lewy” is what Marco whispers and though it is not the same, it is close enough.It is a start. A start for them as they try to find out what exactly it is that draws them together, that makes Robert's insides clench in anticipation whenever his eyes meet Marco's.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the song 'The Way We Fall Apart" of We As Humans.  
> I started it back in November and wrote the first half of it simultaneously with 'Love Is a Destructive Force', but later discarded it in favor of the latter. A friend of mine begged me to finish it, I hope you will like it.

 

**The Way We Fall Apart**

 

_***_

_The world's on fire but we're all smiling_  
_Though it's all our fault_  
_But life is short so we resort to laughing through it all_

***

 

_I love you, Marco,_ Robert thinks as the blond pushes him against the locker, his tongue invading Robert's mouth.

“I want you, Lewy” is what Marco whispers and though it is not the same, it is close enough.

It is a start. A start for them as they try to find out what exactly it is that draws them together, that makes Robert's insides clench in anticipation whenever his eyes meet Marco's.

This is what he wants, for Marco to consume him until amber-green eyes are following him into his sleep and the feel of Marco's hands grabbing his hips is branded into his memory. He wants Marco, that much is obvious, and the blond clearly feels the same. The difference is that Robert wants so much more than what they share at the moment, wants to be more than an occasional fuck after a satisfying game.

He wants to be Marco's lover. A foolish dream...

 

***

_It's the battle within the good and the sin  
With both sides standing strong_

 

***

 

“Do you think I don't know what's going on between you and Auba?” Robert asks annoyed and he knows how jealous he sounds, like a jilted lover. Which he is – just not in Marco’s opinion.

The blond gives him a cold look as he steps out of the shower and quickly wraps a towel around his waist. Not fast enough to hide the imprints of fingers on his hipbones, imprints that weren’t there when Robert saw Auba pulling Marco into the shower twenty minutes ago.

“That's none of your business, Robert.”

“Yes, it is!” Robert argues and he knows he finally has to say it out loud, to tell Marco how he sees them and what he wants them to be. Otherwise he will lose him.

He leans forward and crushes his lips onto the blond’s, bringing up his hand to Marco’s neck and soothe his anger. Marco may be trying to act like this doesn’t mean anything to him, that he is indifferent to Robert’s feelings, but his body gives him away. A soft whimper escapes him and he relaxes slightly, his hands coming around Robert’s waist and pulling him closer.

“You’re mine, Mars,” Robert whispers softly against the other man’s lips.

Marco pushes him back so sudden that Robert almost loses his balance. He frowns in confusion as the blond glares darkly at him. There’s something in his eyes that is hard to place; something that looks an awful lot like hatred. “You’re not my boyfriend, Robert, and you will never be. So don’t start acting like one!”

Robert is unable to move, frozen in shock as his dreams get crushed to pieces and he has to realize what he has already known deep down.

That he means nothing to Marco. That he is only another amusement, just like Auba is.

Robert doesn’t stop the man he loves from leaving the room and slowly he walks back to his own locker. His eyes land on his jersey that he has carelessly thrown onto the ground in his haste to get to Marco. Slowly he picks it up, taking in the stark contrast of yellow and black and his hand traces over the number nine printed onto the back.

He still has one dream left. He was willing to give it up for Marco, knowing that their relationship wouldn’t have survived the fulfillment of this dream. But now that he knows about Marco’s true feelings – or rather the lack of them – there’s nothing to stop him from making at least this one dream come true.

He sits down, balling the jersey in his hand and dials a number on his phone.

His agents picks up after the fourth ring. “Robert?” He sounds surprised and considering Robert just had a match, it’s understandable.

“Please tell me, you haven’t rejected Bayern’s offer yet.”

“No, I wanted to do that next week. Why are you asking?”

“I changed my mind,” Robert says, keeping his voice calm. “I would like to find my purpose in Munich.”

He signs the contract the day after.

 

_***_

_It's the permanent scars_  
_How broken we are_  
_It's the things that hurt us all_

 

_***_

 

“I have nothing to say to you, traitor,” Marco hisses and resumes walking then, his arm shoving a perplexed Robert out of the way as he follows his team mates into the locker. It is the second time today that Marco has rejected Robert, but this one hurts more, a lot more. Marco refusing to hug him right after Robert’s goal for Bayern, taking a step back and thereby out of Robert’s arms wasn’t entirely unexpected, not with the way they left things.

Still, Robert was able to blame it on Marco being upset about his opponent scoring, about Robert tying the result after Marco had put Dortmund into the lead.

This second rejection though is personal.

Robert stares after Marco, the ache in his chest that has been with him ever since he and Marco broke things off, confirming that Robert still loves him.

Of course he didn’t expect Marco to have forgiven him so easily, but he was hoping he would at least give Robert a chance to make amends. He jumps at the hand squeezing his shoulder and Erik appearing in his vision.

“I’ll talk to him, okay?”

Robert shakes his head. “Thank you, Erik, but no. He is too hurt to forgive me and too proud to admit to himself that he isn’t completely innocent as well. It would only make things worse if you confronted him about it now.”

“But he still isn’t over you,” Erik argues and a sad smile appears on Robert’s face.

“I doubt that. He is angry with me and hurt that I left him to join Bayern. And a part of me even understands.”

Erik bites his lip, apparently unsure if he should say out loud what’s going on in his head. “I know why you left so sudden. I was afraid it would come to this, but I was hoping Marco would eventually come to his senses.”

His words fuel the little spark of hope in Robert’s chest; hope that Erik is right and Marco may have loved him after all. A hope that Robert can’t afford.  
“Please, Erik, just stop,” Robert begs the defender. “I know you only mean well, but that ship has sailed. Marco and I were never going to work out in the long run anyway.”

He turns around and heads for his own locker, passing his celebrating team mates and sitting down on the ground with his knees drawn up to his chest. A bubble of misery is surrounding him, he can see it in the way the others try to comfort him, but no one of them knows what exactly is wrong with him. No one except for Mario and Thomas. And the former has taken one glance at Robert only to disappear the moment after, so that leaves only Thomas. The younger man comes over and sits down next to Robert hesitantly.

“Lewy, I know it’s hard, but you need to move on. This love is going to destroy you.”

“I wish I could,” Robert replies and he feels the sting of tears in his eyes. “I wish I knew how to move on from him.”

He leans against Thomas, letting the taller man’s arms wrap around him. “Do you think you will ever be capable of loving another?”

Robert looks up then and he stills as he finds Thomas’ watching him with soft eyes, too soft. They convey what Thomas is too afraid of asking out loud.

_Do you think you will be capable of loving me?_

“I don’t know,” Robert replies truthfully. He knows he will never stop loving Marco, but he doesn’t want to pine for someone he can’t have. And right here, right now Thomas is giving him the opportunity to find happiness again. All he has got to do is take it. “But I will try.”

The words are nothing, only a proof of his own weakness. Thomas deserves more.

But it seems like the German isn’t asking for more. “That’s enough for me.”

He slowly leans forward, giving Robert time to push him back. But Robert doesn’t. He is frozen, unsure how to feel until he feels Thomas’ lips on his own, a gentle touch that lifts the ban from Robert.

His eyes close and he lets out a barely audible whimper, reveling in Thomas’ love for him.

He doesn’t care that one of their team mates could walk in on them any moment, after all they are just around the corner – literally. For one blissful moment Robert can forget the pain in his heart and give himself over to Thomas. The younger man’s lips part slightly, his tongue probing curiously at Robert’s mouth, asking for entrance.

And Robert grants him that, his hands coming up to fist in the sweat-soaked, dirty jersey that Thomas is still wearing.

The kiss is full of love and warmth, soothing Robert’s wounds like a balm.

This is how he wanted to be kissed by Marco all along, love without pain, passion without desperation.

But he knows that’s not possible because pain and desperation will always belong to his relationship with Marco.

So even though Thomas is giving him exactly what he wants, offering Robert his heart so openly, there is one thing amiss, one thing that would make this beautiful tender kiss perfect.

Thomas is not Mar-

“So this is how things stand,” a familiar voice interrupts them, making Robert jerk back from Thomas as though he has been whipped.

When he turns to the side, there are three figures standing in front of them.

Erik and Mario are staring at Robert and Thomas in shock, but it is Marco’s gaze that draws his attention, pure fury and hurt radiating from the blond as he glares at Robert.

Robert lets go of Thomas and stands up, anger filling him as he takes a step towards Marco. “No, you don’t get to make accusations! You don’t get to be hurt over this when you made it clear that you never wanted to be with me in the first place.”

For a moment he expects Marco to protest, to put up a fight, but the blond only looks at him for a while longer, his anger slowly fading away.

Then he bites his lip and hesitantly he raises his hand to touch Robert’s face, his thumb brushing over the latter’s lower lip. “You’re right. This is my fault, I should have known sooner what you meant to me. I should have realized that I was falling in love with you instead of pushing you away like I did.”

Robert was frozen in place as he took in these words he had longed to hear for so long. All he had ever wanted was for Marco to tell him that he loved Robert, but somewhere along the way he had given up hope. “Couldn’t you have told me that a few months sooner?”

 

_***_

_But isn't it beautiful?_  
_The way we fall apart_  
_It's magical and tragic all the ways we break our hearts_

 

_***_

 

Robert’s words keep haunting Marco for the next few weeks. He knows that all of this is his own fault, that he only has himself to blame for Robert now being in the arms of another. He never was the type to become attached to one person. For sex was fun and nothing more. Then Robert Lewandowski came along and suddenly his whole world is standing upside down.

Marco was too blind to see what Robert truly meant to him and he only saw it when he found the man he has apparently fallen in love with kissing somebody else. It was like a kick into the guts, to see Thomas licking his way into Robert’s mouth and the latter inviting him in almost desperately.

Marco wasn’t prepared for the sudden ache in his chest and to realize that against all his principles he has fallen in love with somebody.

And as he now finds himself getting pressed against his locker with Auba’s hands on his hips and his mouth trailing down Marco’s mouth, he realizes that the knowledge has changed him as well.

Every touch of Auba seems to burn his skin and makes Marco feel like he is being suffocated, something he has never felt until now. He has always enjoyed having some fun with his teammate, but tonight his thoughts keep drifting back to a certain Pole…

“Auba, stop,” Marco asks with a sigh.

The other man pulls back with a confused frown. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’m just not in the mood tonight,” Marco replies without meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

It’s obvious that Auba is still confused about his reaction, but he steps away with a shrug. “No problem. Some other time then.”

“Yeah,” is all that Marco replies as he watches his teammate putting his lothes back on and eventually leaving him alone with a wave of his hand. Well, at least Auba isn’t upset.

Just when Auba has left the room, Erik comes in, throwing an equally confused gaze after the striker before turning to Marco. “Well, that was quick.”

“Nothing happened,” Marco says as he sits down next to his training bag and closes his eyes as though he could shut out the world.

He can still feel Erik’s piercing eyes on him. “Why not? Did you accidentally utter Robert’s name while Auba was sucking you off?”

Marco’s eyes snap back open, anger filling him at the younger man’s blunt words. “Just go away, Erik. I’m not in the mood to deal with anybody right now.”

But of course Erik doesn’t listen to him. He steps closer, grabbing Marco by the arm and pulling him up. “Come on. You’re going to sleep at my place tonight.”

Marco is too exhausted to protest.

 

_***_

_So unpredictable_  
_We're comfortably miserable_  
_We think we're invincible_  
_Completely unbreakable_  
_And maybe we are_  
_Isn't it beautiful?_  
_The way we fall apart_

 

_***_

Of course there were eventually going to be pictures. Marco should have seen this coming – well, technically he did. But he still isn’t prepared for the ache in his heart when he sees it.

A picture of Robert and Thomas after training, the latter sitting on Robert’s lap while they are making out without a care in the world. Mario apparently took it earlier today and he sent it to half of Dortmund’s team. While the others find it either funny or cute, Marco hates it. He has been staring at the picture on his phone for almost ten minutes now, torn between jealousy and resentment.

“Marco, it won’t get better the longer you stare at it.” Erik is sitting next to him, watching him carefully.

His words only anger Marco more, but he bites his lip to keep himself from shouting. Erik has been so patient and kind to him despite Marco’s difficult moods lately, he doesn’t deserve Marco’s fury.

Instead he puts his phone away though the image of the two kissing men stays with him. “I’d like to be alone right now, Erik.”

The defender looks at him for a long moment as though he wants to protest, but fortunately he doesn’t press the matter. Marco is absolutely sure it would end in an ugly fight neither of them wants if Erik insisted on staying with him.

Erik gets up from the chair and puts his jacket on before turning back to Marco again, a sympathetic expression on his face. “It looks like Robert has finally found someone who can make him happy. Please don’t ruin it for him.”

And before Marco can come up with a response, he is gone.

The blond stares after his teammate for a moment, the words still ringing in his ears for all the wrong reasons.

Robert is happy. With somebody else.

Marco pulls out his phone with trembling hands to look at the picture again and he stares at it once again. Thomas’ mouth is stretched to a crooked grin that is visibly despite the kiss while Robert looks mostly startled by Thomas’ onslaught, his open eyes sparkling in a way that Marco knows will become a beautiful rare smile.

Marco’s gaze drops to their joined hands that are squished between their lower bodies, Thomas’ palm resting on Robert’s groin and it is really not hard to get where Thomas’ thoughts must have gone judging by their weird position and the grin on his face.

A veil of red clouds Marco’s mind and he screams out loud, throwing his phone across the room until it hits the wall with a loud crack.

 

_***_

 

_You're a liar but I'm a coward so I can't throw a stone  
We're so imperfect but so worth it because we're not alone_

 

 

_***_

 

It has been a few months now since Robert has last seen Marco. Months during which he kept thinking of the blond every single day and this although they didn't part on good terms. He doesn't realize how often his thoughts drift to the man he has loved for so long – and still does – until Thomas shakes him out of his thoughts. Every single time that it happens, Robert feels guilt. He is with Thomas now and still he can't forget Marco.

Thomas has been nothing but understanding so far and he never gets angry when he catches Robert like this. His small but sad smile as well as his words are always the same.

“It will get better, Lewy. One day you will be able to leave Marco behind and start a new chapter of your life. I know that you're not ready for that yet and I can wait a while longer.”

Robert's only response is to kiss him, to lay all his love and apologies in it because he can't express them with words.

But even though Thomas is trying so hard to be patient, his smiles become sadder with each time he has to repeat those words.

And Robert realizes that he will lose Thomas if he doesn't make up his mind soon. He will lose another loved one.

And so he starts running. Running from the past, running from his feelings for Marco.

If only it was that easy...

 

_***_

 

_It's the wars that we wage, the lives that we take_  
_For better or for worse_  
_It's the lion we cage, the love and the rage_  
_That keeps us wanting more_

 

_***_

 

It is almost half a year until Robert and Marco really meet again.

They have been carefully avoiding each other and when they still met like on some birthday party, then they somehow managed to be at opposing ends of the room.

But then Robert sees Marco and Erik together for the first time, well the first time that he sees them making out in the tunnel after a game between their clubs and Robert is not prepared for how much it hurts to see Marco like this.

He still misses him so damn much.

He tries to turn away in time, but they must have seen him because they break apart and there is something akin to fear in both their eyes.

Robert tries to fake a smile. “Don't mind me, I'll leave.”

“Yes, you should,” Marco responds in a hard tone and Robert closes his eyes at it, turning his back to the two men.

He hears Erik calling after him worriedly, but he ignores it, only wanting to escape the horrible feeling of that is threatening to suffocate him.

For the rest of the night he can feel Thomas' questioning eyes on him and when they lie in bed together, the younger man finally puts his arm around Robert, pressing his front against the Pole's back. “You need to talk to him, Robert.”

“To whom?” Robert asks in an emotionless tone.

“To Marco,” Thomas replies. “You still have unfinished business with him and I realize now that we will never be truly happy together until you two have worked this out.”

Robert leans back into Thomas' arms and presses himself harder against the latter's body. “You may be right. But I'm afraid of what will happen between him and me if we are for once completely honest with each other.”

“Because you fear he will reject you?” Thomas asks after a moment.

“No.” Robert's voice is barely above a whisper now. “Because I fear that I will become weak again.” When Thomas remains quiet, he adds more to himself, “Our love has been unspoken for too long and when Marco finally admitted the truth to himself, I already had you. Now he has Erik. I'm afraid what would happen if we were completely honest with each other when the two of you weren't there to stop us.”

Thomas is silent for a while before eventually tightening his grip around Robert's waist. “You need to do what feels right by your heart, not by me. I have faith in your love for me. Just as I have faith in Marco's love for Erik.”

 

_***_

 

_The world is dark but all it takes_  
_Is your love to spark_  
_To set my heart on fire once again_

 

_***_

 

“I love you,” Marco whispers against his lips and the words are like a spell.

Robert stops his attempts to push the blond back, his heart at war with his mind. He loves Marco – always has, always will – but what they are doing right now is wrong, he knows that. Still, he can’t stop himself from returning the ardent kiss, from opening his mouth to let the younger man in.

Marco still is his greatest weakness, even now after all this time.

At that realization Robert surrenders completely, his heart soaring with the love he is feeling for this man. He loses himself in the sensation, of Marco’s whispered words that just won’t stop as though he needs to make up for the years of silence between them. For the years that Marco made him believe it was nothing more than desire drawing him to Robert.

Somehow they blindly find their way up the stairs into Robert’s bedroom, only breaking apart to shed their clothes. They sink onto the mattress with Marco lying on top of him, their hands roaming over the other’s body as they explore each other for what seems like the very first time. Which it is.

It is not the first time that they have sex. That Marco is thrusting into Robert until he finds his release.

But it is the first time that they are making love to each other and Marco stays with him after he has climaxed and filled the void in Robert’s heart.

They kiss each other again as they lie curled against the other’s body, a tenderness replacing their earlier desperation. But at the same time the thought of Thomas and Erik returns to their minds, the guilt as they both realize what they have done.

When Robert finally falls asleep with tears in his eyes, Marco face is still pressed tightly against his chest as he tries to hide his sobs…

 

_***  
_

_Isn't it beautiful?_

 

***

 

“Leave.”

That one single word makes Robert’s heart stop even though he has expected it. Thomas’ eyes are colder than Robert has ever seen them, distant and resenting.

“I’m sorry,” Robert says softly even though he knows Thomas doesn’t want to hear it.

The younger man closes his eyes to compose himself, his voice losing some its hardness. “I don’t care if you’re sorry. You cheated on me because you failed to see that I was nothing more than a compromise to you.”

Robert shakes his head. “My feelings for you are real, Thomas. I truly love you from the bottom of my heart.”

He jerks in surprise when Thomas raises his hand to his cheek, his fingers ghosting over the jawbone and making the older man feel like he is being set on fire.

“I even believe that, but it only makes this so much more painful. Because it means that even though you learned to love me, I could never compete with Marco.” His grip tightens and Robert winces at the dull pain. “I know you, Robert, you are a good person. You wouldn’t have slept with Marco if you didn’t love him more than me.”

Thomas is right, just like always and Robert brings his own hand up to stroke over Thomas’ fingers. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was being selfish and I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

“You love Marco with all your heart,” Thomas replies with a sad smile. “There is no room for me, I guess. That’s why I have to let you go.”

He kisses Robert again, a kiss full of love, regret and sorrow.

It is their last kiss.

  
 

A few hundred miles away the door falls shut behind Marco and after a moment, he hears the person behind it sliding down to the ground.

“I’m sorry, Erik,” Marco repeats once again, this time to himself.

Then he walks out of Erik’s life…

 

_***_

 

_The way we fall apart..._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think of this story. Comments and kudos are highly appreciated.
> 
> I may write a sequel with Erik and Thomas one day. I've been wanting to write a story with these two for quite a while now and this ending is begging me for it...


End file.
